To Cherish and To Hold (Love of a Rockstar #1.5) Read online

  Standalone Novels

  Jagged Love

  The Kiss Series

  The Accidental Kiss

  Love of a Rockstar Series

  Love of a Rockstar #1

  To Cherish and To Hold #1.5

  Broken Lullabies #2 (coming June 9th 2015)

  To my readers and fans that encouraged me to continue Luke and Marlene’s love story. Without you, this book wouldn’t be sitting pretty on digital e-book shelves everywhere. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  Smoke billowed out of the oven as I scrambled to stabilize the egg whites for the frosting. Powdered sugar dusted the front of my t-shirt and dark-washed jeans. My hair hadn’t been washed in three days, which meant it looked like limp spaghetti. Ironically that was exactly what had been for dinner the past week: spaghetti with jarred red sauce and all the Parmesan cheese Nil wanted.

  “Do you need any help?” Luke leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed with a smug look on his face. “Because I’m pretty sure you do, based upon the sheer mess surrounding you.”

  I slipped my hands into a pair of oven mitts, removed the charred cake layers, cursed loudly, and had half a mind to throw in the towel. Making your own wedding cake wasn’t for the faint of heart. I wished somebody had pounded that into my thick skull when this idea came to me, instead of letting me think it would be so fun and easy!

  I tossed the ruined yellow cake into the trash and growled, frustrated. “Why did you encourage me to do this? My sanity is at risk, Luke.”

  He crossed the kitchen floor and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Your sanity is always at risk, baby. We have a daughter that is five going on twenty, a restaurant that is currently a shell of wires and old plumbing, and a wedding to plan. I would be surprised if it wasn’t.”

  I buried my head against his cashmere sweater. “You aren’t helping,” I mumbled. “If anything, you’re making me more stressed.”

  He ran his hand up my back to the nape of my neck. His fingers loosened a bundle of knots that elicited a moan of pleasure from my lips. Luke’s eyes heated.

  Although there wasn’t time to have sex on the dining room table, I fervently wished there was.

  “I can think of several ways to de-stress.” Luke nipped my earlobe. “Do you want to hear them?”

  Words weren’t needed. The bulge pressing against his zipper spoke for his one-track mind. I tilted my chin to meet his devilish stare. “The caterer will be here in five minutes.”

  “Five minutes is all I need.”

  “You are over-hyping yourself. Three is the norm.” I laughed as he swatted my ass. “Hey! Somebody has to keep your ego in check or else those adoring fans camped out on our lawn will go to your head.”

  The heat in his eyes dimmed, replaced by annoyance. “I wish they would leave. It’s not as if I’m dead or anything.” He walked to the window, peeled back the curtain, and peeked out.

  The group of girls that had been holding a vigil since the news broke Luke was quitting Five Guys was singing loudly and off key. In the past week they’d been camped out, they’d gone through Five Guys’ extensive song list. I wanted to shove extra thick cotton into my ears. Luke had almost called the cops but his manager had discouraged it. He said feeding the hungry vultures known as the media was just asking for trouble.

  “You’re dead,” I reminded Luke gently. “Luke Anderson, the rock star is no longer alive.”

  “That was never me. I was always just Luke. They chose to see me that way,” he said, referring to his fans.

  “I know, but you built a brand.”

  “I’m not a goddamn Pepsi can.”

  “No, you’re handsome, brilliant, an amazing dad, and the proud owner of Norma Jean’s. That will all come to light eventually. Be patient.”

  Luke dropped the curtain and faced me. Endless love shined in his gaze. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “Same thing you were doing before. Having sex, partying, and living la vida loca,” I joked.

  “More like endless nights of touring one city after another until they blurred into one.”

  “Missing your family?”

  “Like a limb that was no longer there.”

  My heart squeezed in my chest. Luke’s and my past was soap opera worthy. He’d left me when I was eight months pregnant, only to return four years later. After a week, it had become clear Luke wasn’t the same man who’d run away. He’d grown into the father and husband Nil and I deserved. Plus, the love between us was as strong as ever and hard to deny.

  Luke crossed the carpeted floor like a cheetah about to pounce on his pray when a knock sounded on the door. He stopped cold and looked at me.

  I shrugged. “It could be the caterer, but she usually comes around back. Are you expecting anyone?”

  “No, unless another pissed off fan has decided to pay me a visit.” He shot a wary glance at the door. “I really hope it’s not that. The last time that happened, a liquid that appeared to be water but smelled like pee was thrown in my face.”

  “Go to the kitchen, I’ll answer it.”

  Luke shook his head. “No way, José. I’m not putting the mother of my child and love of my life in harm’s way.”

  “I’m just answering the door, Luke. Don’t be so dramatic.”

  A tapping on the window drew our attention. My mother, hands cupped around her face, peered into the living room. She waved frantically at us to let her inside.

  “See!” I said. “It’s my mother.”

  “That doesn’t lessen my anxiety.”

  “Me and you both, buddy.”

  My mother and Luke weren’t always on friendly terms. These past six months though, she’d seen Luke was doing everything he could to ensure a happy and healthy home life, like quitting the band for instance. However, she was a hard woman to please.

  As soon as the door opened, my mother barged past me. Raindrops clung to her trench coat. “Didn’t you hear me knocking?”

  “Sorry, you should have called,” I said.

  “Why? I’m your mother. Mothers don’t need to call before stopping by their daughter’s house.”

  “Because obsessed fans, the media, and other crazies are using this house as a shrine to the late Luke Anderson, rock star,” I said for the fifth time this week.

  She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I keep saying you should just elope and escape to Europe for the next six months.”

  “Luke and I have a restaurant to run—and a daughter to raise. We can’t leave.”

  My mother overlooked my excuses as if they were exactly that, excuses. “Speaking of my granddaughter, where is she?”

  Luke spoke. “She’s at ballet, practicing for her upcoming performance in The Nutcracker. She should be home soon.”

  “Do you want me to pick her up? We could grab takeout on the way back.”

  Luke and I shared a grateful look. We had a load of laundry to do, cakes to bake, and recipes to test. Not to mention, Luke needed to stop by the restaurant later on to check on the hardwood floors. We were having them stained a rich mahogany that would contrast beautifully with the white walls. We were stretched beyond our limits.

  “Please,” I said. “That would be incredibly helpful.”

  My mother dug into her purse, producing her car keys. “I love watching Nil dance. She is so graceful.”

  Luke smiled proudly. “She is a performer in the making.”

  Nil and Luke were two peas in a pod. They shared the same quirks, the same unruly hair, and the same passion for music. At first, I was jealous of their connection but that didn’t last long. I was just happy Nil had so readily acc
epted her father into her heart.

  “Is there any reason you stopped by?” I asked.

  My mother racked her brain then snapped her fingers together. “Yes, your cousin called and said she was allergic to salmon. Also, your grandmother is coming home tomorrow from her honeymoon.”

  My grandmother had reconnected with her long lost soul mate after thirty years. They’d married on her present husband’s ranch, surrounded by cow pastures and wide open fields. I never thought my grandmother would end up living in the middle of nowhere. She was a city gal through and through.

  “Does she need a ride from the airport?” I crossed my fingers, hoping the answer was no.

  “Nope, but she does need the final seating chart agreement from you and Luke.”

  “Right.”

  Luke and I were having the reception at my grandmother’s barn where she had hers. It was breathtakingly beautiful with the exposed beams and tongue-and-groove hardwood floors. My grandmother had been acting as our part-time wedding planner and secretary, but everything had been put on hold when she left for Mexico.

  “I’ll get that to her as soon as we know,” I said.

  My mom clicked her tongue. “There’re only four months left, Marlene. You can’t wait till the last minute.”

  “I won’t! Give me a break. I’m juggling a thousand things at once right now, ok?”

  “It was your idea to make your own wedding cake. You could have done something easy instead, like pie,” she suggested.

  It actually wasn’t a bad idea. Pies froze well, which meant I could bake five different kinds and then bake them when the day came. Excitement flooded my veins.

  “You are a genius!” I exclaimed, kissing her on the cheek. “I love you!”

  Used to my theatrics, mom didn’t even bat an eyelash. She watched me skip out of the living room into the kitchen, where I pulled out my tools of trade.

  “Do you know if Camilla is coming?” My mother called after me.

  My hands stilled as a fresh wave of hurt licked at my wounds. Camilla had been my best friend since the dawn of time, but I’d recently learned she had been keeping a secret—an important one. I was under the impression Luke hadn’t been there for Nil’s birth when in reality he was. However, Camilla refused to let him see us until he was ready to become a full-time father. We’d attempted to patch things up, but our relationship had changed, irrevocably so.

  Luke and I sat across the table from Lacy, owner of Olive Tree and our caterer, where three different menu options were fanned in front of us. My eyes scanned the entrees, which were a variation on classic comfort food. Lacy and Camilla had gone to college together before Lacy had dropped out and pursued the culinary arts instead. Camilla had mentioned how she had a creative eye that would be perfect for our wedding. As my stomach growled at the sound of peppered filet mignon resting on a bed of whipped brown butter sweet potatoes, I had to give it to Camilla. She was right. While last on our list, Lacy had won me over. My hand excitedly squeezed Luke’s knee, my message to him that our search was over.

  As he glanced over at me, relief shined brightly on his face. “Thank God.”

  Taking that as we were in agreement, I smiled widely at Lacy. She shifted higher in her seat and smiled back. The confidence that had slowly leaked away while Luke and I were deliberating returned.

  “You’re hired!” I exclaimed. “I’m in love with the third menu. Although, we’ll have to offer a vegetarian option. My great uncle claims to be allergic to meat and as everybody knows, death ruins a wedding.”

  Luke kissed my cheek. “That’s my fiancée. Always worrying about everybody else.”

  “Hey! I don’t want a repeat of my grandmother’s reception.”

  Off Lucy’s curious glance, Luke explained. “Her grandmother’s husband’s best friend had a heart attack due to a vigorous dance number called ‘The Chicken Dance.’ Even though he was nearing ninety, he thought he could keep up with the twenty year olds. He couldn’t.”

  Lucy gasped. “Is he ok?”

  I waved away her concern with a flick of my wrist. “He’s fine. Although, his wife banned him from dancing anymore.”

  Luke and I laughed while Lacy stared at us like we were horrible people. Our similar sense of humor was one of the many things that attracted me to Luke. Not everybody had the same dark and twisted outlook on life that we shared.

  Lacy cleared her throat. “Anyways, now that we’ve picked a menu to go with, the next step is figuring out a payment plan. I usually….”

  The ringing of a cellphone interrupted her monologue. Luke patted his pockets with an apologetic look. Glancing at the call screen, two lines appeared between his eyebrows. An expression reserved solely for his former manager.

  “Sorry,” he said as his chair scooted backwards. “I have to take this. Continue on without me, I’ll be right back.”

  Lacy and I watched him leave the kitchen, his mouth already moving at rapid speed. Since he’d shifted his dreams from rock star to restaurant owner, Luke’s manager had been on the verge of a break down. It had slowly dawned on him though that Luke rarely changed his mind unless sex was involved. Typical male, am I right?

  “Would you like me to continue?” Lacy asked.

  “Please. He shouldn’t be long.”

  Lacy launched into logistics, numbers, and cost reports that had my head spinning. Luke handled the books in this family while my responsibility fell toward the cooking and cleaning—a role I didn’t mind. Both those chores fed my creativity.

  Lacy must have noticed my glazed over eyes. She paused. “Why don’t I give you this binder for you and your fiancé to look over tonight? We can talk tomorrow.”

  “Thank you. I’m a pastry chef, not an accountant.”

  She laughed. “Me too. Running your own business though, you have to juggle a million different positions. The first year, Olive Tree lost close to a ten grand due to an error I made in QuickBooks.”

  “That’s awful. Luke and I are in the process of opening a restaurant called Norma Jean’s. Any advice for the newbies on the block?”

  “Be organized and hire trustworthy staff. They will become like family.”

  I tucked away Lacy’s reputable knowledge. So far, Luke and I hadn’t hit any roadblocks, but we were only five months in. The old but charming house he’d bought required a gut renovation. We’d reconfigured the floor plan, which added additional space to the kitchen and dining area. Next up was removing the wallpaper and painting the walls a crème color that would evoke a relaxed romantic vibe.

  Lacy gathered her materials and shoved them into her large purse. “Tell Camille I send her my love.”

  “Will do. I’ll walk you to the door.”

  In the other room, I heard Luke talking loudly, his tone laced with frustration. After Lacy bid a cheerful goodbye, I found him pacing a hole in the carpet. His lips contorted into an ugly smirk. Glancing up, he gestured to the phone as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “Yeah, I understand, but that isn’t going to happen. You can tell those jackals to go jump in a lake and die.” With an angry huff, Luke jabbed the end button.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders hunched around his ears. I sat next him, easing my fingers into his tightened muscles. Dating a rock star had its perks but it also had its downfalls. Unlike normal couples, our relationship wasn’t ours alone. It was the public’s to criticize and twist into a sensational story.

  “You alright?” I asked, even though I knew he wasn’t.

  “A new headline broke today.”

  “New headlines break everyday.” Luke’s gaze searched my face and my stomach dropped.

  “They went for a new angle,” he whispered. “It’s Nil.”

  Luke had been getting the majority of the criticism in the press, but they hadn’t touched our daughter. While I’d known it was only a matter time, my cheeks heated. My naivetés made me think the press had somewhat of conscience. Obviously, they had non
e. Luke removed my hand from his shoulder and cradled it in his grasp.

  “This will all settle down eventually.”

  “You’ve said that the past two weeks and it hasn’t. I mean, no offense, but there are more important issues in the world than Five Guys breaking up.”

  Luke massaged my palm with his thumb. “When my best friends abandoned me, I thought that was it. I thought the dream I’d scarified tooth and nail for would die along with them. Then one night, I played a show at this little bar in Montana. A record executive heard me play and offered me a deal on the spot. Matthew, Sean, Jude and Otis were brought on as my backing band. Hell, it didn’t even matter I got bumped to bass player because as long as I was on stage, I was happy. Over the next four years, they became like family. This decision may only affect you positively, but you are not the only one who exists. My surrogate brothers are out of a job, the record label lost a shit ton of money, and my fans are confused at the sudden dissolve of Five Guys.”

  Guilt clashed with a need to defend myself. “They shouldn’t bring Nil into this shit show!”

  “I agree wholeheartedly, but you knew what you were signing up for when I placed that ring on your finger.”

  The diamond set in the rose gold band glittered in the light. Luke had proposed twice. First at a Five Guys concert in front of a thousand plus people but instead of a yes, he’d gotten rejected due to a host of reasons. Manly, my impending move to Paris with my sort-of boyfriend. The second time Luke asked, I’d broken up with said boyfriend because my love for Luke hadn’t faded. He was the one I wanted to grow old with. That’s what ran through my head when he got down on a bended knee, not the consequences.

  “If I knew our future would be this….” My eyes darted out of the window to where Luke’s groupies continued to sing. “Or whatever the hell they wrote in some trashy magazine about our brilliant, adorable daughter, then I wouldn’t have been so apt to jump on the bandwagon.”

  Luke flinched as if my statement physically wounded him. “Geez, don’t hold back or anything.”

  I wrenched my hand away as I stood. It wasn’t his fault his career had an abnormally bright spotlight, but it also was. He chose the life of a musician. Nobody had forced it upon him. Fury blazed in my line of sight. I wanted to punch the reporters, the god-awful groupies who teased Luke with their cleavage, and whoever else messed with the second chance he’d been given with his family.